Pain

Pain is an interesting thing. It is good and bad. If I am in pain I know I am alive but at the same time the amount of pain makes me wish I wasn't at times. I live with chronic pain. I have been living with this for about 20 years now and there isn't a day that it gets easier. I push myself to the limit because I don't want my condition to control me but I regret it every morning when I wake and can barely move. The worst part about my pain is that 90% of the time it hurts to be touched. I am a person who loves physical contact. I need it but it causes me the most pain. A simple hug can feel like every bone in my body is shattering all at once. I hide this. You may see me out and about shopping, walking, sitting or even working out and you will never know what the level of my pain is because I don't want pity. If you can actually see the pain on my face then you know that I am barely holding it together and I really should be home and in bed. When my pain is at it's worst there is nothing that can help short of knocking me out. I get cold, shiver and cry.
As hard as it is for me to live with this I know it is just as hard if not harder on the people who love me. To those of you who deal with me and this condition my hat is off to you. I love you all and thank you for not giving up on me.

Dreams

I am a dreamer. I can make plans and think up things and ideas all day long. Most of them won't happen but that doesn't stop me from thinking up ways to make them happen. I like to believe that noting is impossible. You are never too old for anything. The only way your dreams can't come true is when you give up on them.

What It's About

I started this so people can see who I am from my perspective. Most of the people that I consider friends and family don't know what the reality is. They really don't know me. For those of you who may read this and get offended will know that I don't care that you are offended but I still love you. I am hoping that by writing about me and being raw and public that maybe it will inspire someone but even if it doesn't I have put it out there so I can let it go. There maybe things that repeat you have to bare with me that is just my thought process, but my life doesn't have interesting stories it is an interesting story. So here is what this is about in a few words and again if you know me and you're a Grammar Nazi you will know that I don't care about that either and I'm not sorry. Love to you all and thanks for reading/following.